Thursday, March 25, 2010


Basic title for a brain that is swimming with Winter dust. It is time for Spring cleaning. Not just for the house and windows, but for my mind as well. It feels awfully cobweb-y these days. I think when you have lots of time to sit around and think about it, you notice the changes that need to be made. I have used education and massive OCD cleaning techniques to occupy the parts of me that I am too lazy to revitalize or restore. Even writing about this, I cringe. It means I have to do something, maybe?

I really have no idea where to begin. Do I fill my time with thankful lists and discovering beauty? Or do I get really large with my endeavors and seek out the adventurous? I have spent my life reflecting on loss. Somehow it makes me feel like I still have the thing that was lost. But I am realizing in this non-working-non-schooling atmosphere, I need to make changes to my life. This life needs to look at what is good. My routine needs to see what I have gained. It is not something I drop everything for and spend a day of special-ness. The change will become me. It has to have been me all along... just the parts of me that make God smile. People smile. Me smile. I am sure that even then there will still be a few upside down smiles as I become the better me. It is also easy to believe we are the better me... as we deny our harsh words and stubborn lack of vulnerability.

Spring. It is a motion. Upward or forward. It takes muscle for such motion. Spring. It smells of rebirth and damp dirt. Birds and mammals are born. New Englanders emerge out of their homes to burn the dead leaves, rake away the sand by the road, and remember how the warmth hugs their bodies. Spring. Here the water washes away the litter and brings forth the buds. Though the clouds are many, the Earth still awakens. If God can awaken the Earth, He most certainly can do the same for me. And you too.

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