My Help Comes From...

There are times in our lives where we experience a lack of inspiration, freedom, or creativity. I have had, what I feel like is, an extended visit in this experience. I think its fear of failure and apprehension for what others might think of my soul in visual form. When I protect myself from a particular danger, it affects EVERYTHING. My thoughts are all about survival and getting from one moment to the next.

You kind of loose yourself in this. Your individuality is pretty much mucky water and you feel overwhelmed by all the simple everyday opinions around you. Feels like a shout real close to your ear instead of a mature conversation with another adult. It wears on you. Or at least me.  Maybe I am coming up with a weird scenario that only I have ever experienced.

My photography has been greatly affected. All I feel like I can see are cookie cutter images that anyone can take. I feel like everything has to be beautiful before I even see it. I envy the wealth and prosperity of others who have nice things to photograph. I envy families that have children to photograph day in and day out. I feel like my surrounds are bland and lacking light. It is like one big cloud of green envy and sad gray. I know that I shouldn't feel so confined. I should be able to make a worn old rag on the floor look like fine linens covering a banquet table. That is what should give the spark in my soul.

Instead I am wishing for the greener grass and just doing nothing. To do something about this ridiculousness (my life really is pretty amazing!), I have been reading blogs/forums. Not just staring at pictures, thank goodness. That is another topic. I have been reading tutorials and reading about how other photographers view the world. I examine their work and see that I wouldn't have given that environment a chance if I was in their place. Realizing this I see that maybe in my dark world I can create a story with the little light that I have.

Sometimes we focus so hard on the dark, gloomy shadows that we fail to see the blessing in the small sections of light. Ever so slight moments of brightness. I decided to take one picture this evening at dusk, with one light source, with one subject. The light and the dearest human to me should make this picture more than the darkness and graininess that envelopes it. I want to tell a story, but if I choose to only show/view the world with a cloud overhead no one will want to join me. People love life, love, and happiness.

My aim is to direct my eyes up, for that is where my Help comes from.