Music + Fear

I have to have just the right music playing when I write. Christopher tells me that it is because music expresses what I cannot. At first I was thinking, he is SO right. Then I pause and think to myself, what do I do when there is no music? What if I lived in complete silence? What generates my energy to express? Why can it not come from within? I also thought about the fact that within my mind there are exploding expressions. Most of the time I stifle them. Let me explain it this way...


I walk into a store. I see an AWESOME shirt. I see the price tag. OUCH! I talk myself out of it. I move on and don't even look back.


Fear is my price tag. That shirt? My expensive thoughts. Is it worth it to risk putting my character and strangeness into a world that could possibly reject me? Is there life in that? I thought that being different would mean being alone. Something I didn't really like the sounds of. Then I discovered that without making that purchase (risk) I am pretty much alone still and completely bored with myself. Plus I miss out on wearing a pretty fine shirt (love).

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts of fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. -1John 4:17-18

So where should I get my expressive energy? From the One who designed me just the way I am. Strange and all. With His perfect love I will become whole, complete, perfect. I will be able to express to my heart's content with those who need love in return.

Here is a group of confident looking people. It felt good to be able to set this shot up. I would look at the way each one of them naturally stood and then gave them an idea of how to stand. They then did what they were comfortable with. I had already taken a couple pictures in the class room and over by a tree, but it wasn't till this shot that they all truly opened up. Loved it.